Guns and roses

The  debate on US gun culture rages on following the latest shooting in Colorado at a movie screening of Batman. The gun lobbyists in America will stand ever firm on their policy of allowing every citizen the right to a peaceful night's sleep with a gun under their pillow.  Guns kill and maim. Guns disregard human rights. Guns do not protect. Guns create fatalities.

In truth, guns do none of these things since they are inanimate objects. A human with a gun is like a monkey with a razor blade; in fact the monkey has the advantage in that it doesn’t try to justify why he has a razor blade and why he feels the need to harm his fellow monkey.

It is mostly men who are voceiferous on the subject of whether there should or should not be guns on our streets. Most gun lobbies are made up of male members. It is a club where their egos can be massaged. 

Yes, you are!

A gun is representative of a similar sort of power they give to a particular part of their anatomy. There’s a primeval instinct in men (and some women) that fuels their need to pillage and conquer. From medieval to modern times, men have ruled by the sword; they have lived and died in its name. The mark of man in times of yore was down to whatever he possessed in his sheath and perhaps underneath it too.

Although the world has progressed and we see more men, then ever before, in touch with their feminine side there are still areas that are far from improved. Rape is still a hate crime where men use their vital parts to violate a woman’s dignity. The latest shooting in Colorado reveals that indiscriminate killings goes on. At least, in the days of the Wild West , guns were used to slay your enemies – the baddies and the man who stole your woman.

Rose for remembrance

Gun crime is now in its most advanced stage as almost every US citizen can gain access to one. It’s called “self-protection” so that everyone’s aware there’s an enemy out there who could strike anytime. 

Your neighbor, friend, school teacher, mail man, drop-out, homeless person is a threat. Was establishing a culture of fear part of the Great Amercian Dream?

I’m not a US citizen. I live in a densely populated city  with high crime figures but very few gun related incidents. In my part of the world, guns are used even by the criminal element, as you might say, “responsibly”(!!) -  underworld gangs with grudges against their counterparts.

I personally don’t know anyone who owns a gun or would want to.  Guns are too macho for me and I’ve nothing to prove or protect, except for my sanity! I’ve heard of some gun ownership  but only when a young member of the family of a gun owner has shot himself during a bout of depression. My experience is of a gun being turned inward rather than outward.

Rose bed

When faced with the “enemy” in the form of an intruder….would I shoot them? This is not an easy question for a pacifist. I don’t believe that violence solves anything. Shooting my perpetrator will bring temporary safety but it would have to be as a last resort when there was the threat of serious harm or violation. 

Blood rose

Killing anyone in self-defence or otherwise leaves a bad taste in the mouth of society. If we can’t love our enemies then at least we must try to avoid them but not kill them.

American society is tough. It puts people on Death Row, some of them are there for, what might be classed as minor misdemeanours – stealing a pizza. Some are innocent and some guilty and need to pay for their crimes – but not with their life.

If America were to plant a rose bush for every gun-related homicide then it would be the land of roses. An over-powering fragrance would waft across the Atlantic and Pacific oceans. Indeed, rose oil might have been its greatest export. The legacy of gun crime is that roses now lay scattered across the tombstones of American citizens in Aurora, Colorado and elsewhere.

Un-natural!

Men and metal are a lethal mix. Men must stop playing war games – in the real world as much as the virtual world. Violent video games lead to disturbance of the human mind and spirit. James Holmes, the Colorado killer, was no drop out or brought up in poverty or the product of a broken home. But he was an introvert and spent alot of time in front of a screen – playing video games. I have outlawed them in my home and established peace . Why can’t AmerIca – Land of the Free – do the same?

Why do we not hear about teenage girls or young women going on shooting sprees or being negatively influenced by video games? Something inherent in feminine nature is life-affirming and, by the same token, a baser instinct in the masculine psyche seeks to destroy. There are times when women have resorted to extreme violence but that is usually when all attempts at peaceful negotiation have failed.

I have a dream....let it become a reality

Change must come to America as it did in the shape of Barack Obama. He’s laying down the foundations for state sponsored healthcare and restricting the purchase of guns could be the most healthful thing the US government can do. It's a tough call and he needs to stay in the job for a second term. Let’s keep lovers of life living and ban the sale of arms from sports shops and drug stores.

A rose for your thoughts?

Atrophied Wife

Strike a pose!

A trophy wife is something any intelligent feminist would steer clear of but, it’s amazing how an accomplished woman can easily fall into the trap.

Powerful men are powerful charmers. They are confident and wily. They appear kind and concerned. They love taking care of you so what’s the problem? Being showered with gifts and compliments? Being telelphoned each day to check that your every need is catered for? Arranging surprise dinners/trips etc? 

There’d be no complaints from the average woman. In fact, Ms Average is longing to meet someone who spoils them rotten. After all, if we believe “we’re worth it” then why shouldn’t we lap it up?

When your man out-earns you by mega bucks making your salary look paltry then the sensible option would be to jack in your career and just become the decoration on his arm - isn't it?

Anyone can be a trophy wife without even trying hard. If your beau is a man of means then you’re well on your way to trophy and stepford wifedom!

Trophy wives spend their days getting their hair and nails done. After that, its lunching with their girl friends, showing off about how lucky they are, finishing off with a little designer retail therapy. Booking holidays and spa days  and pumping iron in the newest and sleekest gym in an affluent  neighbourhood will be the main brain-body activity.

Little Miss Lost-My-Life when I became a wife

Money certainly maketh the man and woman. And most women would give an arm and a leg (hell, both legs!) to be a kept woman.

So what are the downsides?

Ambition….once you’re comfortable there’s nothing to aim for. Money has become meaningless and you’re living in another world – the one you were dreaming about when you were poor.

Mental stimulation….any woman worth her salt knows that her man wasn’t attracted to her mind alone. He did check the she was breathing first and then checked out her physiology….all the right equipment in the right place.

I have a brain and I need to use it

Loneliness….if he’s in the six figure bracket then you’re not going to see a lot of him once the honeymoon stage is over. He’ll be travelling (all over the world), talking to his broker and associates(about  options and futures), sharing confidences with his loved ones(eg mother & sister), playing tennis and poker (with his other rich buddies) and throwing lavish parties (that make you feel alone in a crowd).

Personal safety…he may be a control freak in private and have your every move put under surveillance. He may have a personality disorder that makes him emotionally distant and non-tactile.

We think it can’t happen to us but, before we know it, we’ve fallen into the lair of a trophy collector.
The trophy wife easily gets brain atrophy as her mental faculties languish until there's full blown decay.

I believe in my fantasy...and that includes my wife!

Katie Holmes is an example of a woman who thought she’d hit the big time when she was introduced to Tom Cruise. Sure she was an actress before but her career was not high profile until she became Mrs Cruise.

Her cat-that-got-the-cream-smile quickly turned sour as she came to understand that her screen and personal roles would be chosen for her. She had to sign up to be a full fledged member of Scientology. Added to that, she’d be sharing her life and mansion with, the other Mrs Cruise - (Tom’s mother) and his sister.

The fact that she has now hired a security team to help protect her, following her filing for divorce, reveals the sinister side of her married life .  A woman needs protection from the backlash of the male ego. “Hell hath no fury than a control freak scorned!”

It seems that Mr Cruise’s wives all wake up at the age of 33 and decide to get a life.
Katie Holmes has shown that she’s no pushover. Only makes me wonder about Nicole Kidman, whom I thought of as intelligent, but stood by her man for eleven years……eleven years of Scientology as the third person in the marriage. I guess you might say that Ms Kidman was more compliant.

"I'm happy, I really am!"

There is something odd about Mr Cruise and let’s leave his religion aside. He takes himself seriously, perhaps a tad too much. If you've ever see him interviewed he talks about performing his own stunts and seeking newer (and cheaper) thrills in  recent movies.

TC is  a man who believes in his own celebrity.

Compare this with his contemporaries – Brad Pitt and Michael Douglas. Brad is in a committed relationship with the philanthropic Ms Jolie, who is known to say that the movie business pays her ridiculous money to do ridiculous things.
Michael, of the Douglas lineage, is Hollywood royalty – yet he’s down to earth and, following successful cancer treatment, has come to appreciate the people in his life, more than fame and money. Ms Zeta-Jones, his wife, has carved out a successful film career thanks, in part, to the supporting role he plays.

Brangelina powershare

Trophy wives most surely end up as Desperate Housewives. They can find themselves in unloving and threatening situations. Some of them don’t want to escape. "Misery is not being able to go shopping at  Tiffany’s dah-ling!"
Some women have truly lost their minds. Being a trophy is mindlessness personified.

Some women live in fear and can’t ever find their way out of Millionaire’s Row. Some women just like their atrophied life and can’t understand what all the fuss is about.

Run, Katie, run!

Only a woman who has been on the receiving end of emotional abuse knows why Katie’s running for her life.

Woman - how she grows

China doll

Select parents who have emotional intelligence and a love of learning. They don’t have to be perfectly matched but they must not be complete opposites.

Remember your little seed is going to follow an example so make it a good one!

As a baby, look into her eyes. Laugh and smile a lot and what you give out will be reflected back to you.

Cheeky monkey!

Let her get messy and roll around the floor and have tantrums – it’s normal. Never silence her when she has something to say. A girl has to be allowed to feel and express her feelings.

Shower her with love and affection in the early years but also instil discipline.

To learn compassion and appreciation, show her the under-privileged and how the other half live.

Through understanding injustice she will acquire kindness.

Talk to her honestly about the ways of the world. Help her understand duality – the coexistence of good and evil.

Primadonna girl

She needs to know that love is the most abused word, state and concept in the universe. Love is many things to many people and, what some people call love, is highly damaging.

When she’s going through difficult teenage times, stand back and let her make some mistakes. She cannot develop resilience and resourcefulness unless she has experience of challenge and controversy.

Encourage her to move her body in sport or dance. Don’t let her just be a book worm holed up for hours in her room. Let her feel the surge of joy (and blood) when body and spirit are unleashed.

Education is life-long learning not just for making the grade and competing with others.

Limit social media

Place restrictions on her gadgets. Computer time is not more important than family time.

Teach her that eating healthily is vital to her inner and outer beauty. Fruit and vegetables are a girl’s best friend!

 Let her develop a strong father-daughter bond. Since he’s the first man in her life that makes him a hero…..and heros have a lot to live up to. If he lets her down then explain why – the male ego is highly dysfunctional and some fathers will never be heros.



Daddy's girl



When she is young, help her develop a positive body image by letting her show it off….with modesty and as a child of her time and fashion.

Friendship is important but true friends will never amount to more than a handful – choose well.

Travel will broaden her mind and she must do lots of it – whether at home or abroad – there’s no better education.

Choosing a husband/partner/significant other will be like walking through an emotional minefield.  
She should let go of an ideal but be true to her ideas. If he doesn’t match up to the latter then drop him like a ton of bricks!

Tell her that guilt and fear are poisons. Never allow her self-esteem to be infected by them.

Here comes trouble.....

Believe in her and support her. Use tough love when it’s necessary and send her positive thoughts in each moment whether you are apart or together.

There’ll be bad guys in her life but explain that there is a higher purpose and she must rise above them - never to be dragged down by them or even stay on their level.

Never expect anyone to take care of you; no matter how much he melts your heart!

Physical beauty is fleeting but inner beauty never fades. Cultivate beauty from within.

It’s important to forge a career for financial independence. She may have to do single parenting and her financial position will be vital to her well-being.

Pride & joy

Follow a passion and make it a life’s work.

Advise her never to tolerate a bully – for love or money. If he’s your significant other  -ditch him and if he’s your boss – quit!

Maturing nicely

 Anger is appropriate but not if it is used to demean another person. Talk over your frustrations with someone whom you feel safe with.

Never seek approval; it really doesn’t matter what others think. Do not strive to fit in.

Establish independendence of mind; its the sweetest state. Control freaks strictly prohibited!

Teach her that it is never wrong to let go. Letting go is true freedom and self-expression.

60 years young!

Lead by example and tell her that age is just a number if you keep your mind drinking from the fountain of youth.





Marriage impossible and what Katie did next

Love Kats

This weekend we’ve been treated to the news that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are divorcing. There’s nothing surprising about the break down of marital relations. Marriages are ever more commercialised as the union between two people is a means of trading in and trading up.

Let’s face the truth here…..a great many people marry out of sheer boredom and the belief that they are” in love “– with each other – hopefully.

It’s tricky to really believe you’re in love with just a person, especially when attached to that person comes a string of enticing objects - a stylish pad, a convertible, a wardrobe stuffed with designer names, an elite gym membership, a rising star in the financial sector who talks derivatives and hedge funds….now who wouldn’t fall in love with that?

In the case of  Mr Cruise he came fully loaded with bling of statusesque proportions but without a heart to match. At the start of their romance, Katie Holmes wasn’t concentrating on his heart; she had too many mega-stars in her eyes.

She was a wide-eyed, small town girl swept away by having one of the most coveted men in the world turn his attention to her. Oh yes, Mr Cruise was the biggest fish to land in her little pond.

She became dazzled by his gleaming, Hollywood, whitened teeth, his macho status and his powerful ego. What’s a girl to do…how should or could she resist? The Tom-Kat alliance was a disaster from the start.

Risky Business

Katie Holmes was a good, Catholic girl from Ohio. She found TV fame with a small part in “Dawson’s Creek” and, following a glamorous wedding in Rome, she found herself up the proverbial creek paddling for her life!

Marriage rarely matches up to the promises made in glorious cathedrals, mosques, temples and churches of Scientology.
Katie gave herself over to this celebrity cult because she believed in her man. Poor Katie, little did she know that believing in her man meant taking on his beliefs…even if they were irrational and non-scientific.

The Church of Scientology wants your mind, body and soul. This Church is no different to any other. All religion is mind control of some sort. Marriage and religion are a potent force in society.
It provides a sense of belonging and purpose to lost sheep. Since people enjoy being led down the garden path and fed a diet of half-truths and misconceptions religion capitalises on the weaknesses of human nature. “We’re all sinners” is their “positive” message. So we all indulge in more of it.

Experiment in gravity

It’s cited that Katie Holmes felt that her husband was controlled by the dictats of the Scientologists and imposed that regime on his wife and daughter. One of those directives is that their six year old daughter was to be treated as an adult.

This must be based on a scientific theory, in  that if you remove innocence and laughter and replace it with adult issues like fear, guilt and deceit, the world will be a better place!!?

Innocent party

Superstar status + luxury lifestyle does not equal a healthy love. Poverty + low, social position does not equal love either.

So what does? Shakespeare, a man with few luxury goods to his name, got it right when he said: true marriage is a marriage of minds.

What he omitted to say was that those minds can change, be improved, live on opposite sides of the globe in affluence  or a lowly state and still be considered a success. If thoughts are skillfully aligned and love administered daily then spirits will grow together.
You don't need to be anyone's arm candy!

Poverty of spirit is rabid in the  most opulent homes. Wealth and glamour do not make safe havens for your spirit. Katie knows it now but, initially, she was blinded by the bling.

Man of Scientology

Mr Cruise is  a man in love with himself. If you watch him in interviews he’s totally bought into the fantasy of being Messrs. Mission Impossible, Top Gun, Cocktail, 4^th of July, War of the Worlds and Rain Man.

His heart is in his art and Scientology and they’re tough bedfellows for any woman to compete with.

Thank the God of Science that Katie finally came to her senses.

Mr Cruise will not be damaged by this divorce. He’ll get over it and will soon have another winsome starlet on his arm at the next premiere.

I’ve been where Katie Holmes has but in much down-sized terms. I was a good, Catholic girl, who married out out of my faith  thinking that love overcomes all barriers. My “Tom” didn’t have the wealth but certainly the ego was not too far off. A unique blend of patriotism, politics and bigotry eventually removed the stars from my eyes. I divorced the ideas that were being foisted on to me and now my spirit is clean and healthy.

Science and religion do not usually mix and neither do superstardom and a stable family life – you don’t have to be Einstein to know that.

Plenty more arm candy in the shop

Katie’s done the right thing. She’s leaving the dark side of her celebrity lifestyle behind. So the soon-to-be-ex Mrs Cruise has been successful in her mission – she found out the true value of her self-worth and leaves on a high note.