Peoples’ motivations for
relationships are both straight-forward and dubious. Societal and religious
programming has grouped the world into couples. Just as Noah ordered the
animals into the Ark – two by two – to escape the great flood we also align
ourselves with a significant other.
And what are we running away
from? There’s no hurricane, tornado, earthquake on its way but there’s a
psychological storm gathering pace? We choose partners for different stages of
life.; it’s not just security but insecurity too that drives us into the arms
of the opposite sex.
In our teens, it’s all a kind of
newness. Just as new born lambs stumble around on spindly legs in the meadow, so
we stumble upon love and revel in its newness. Lingering and languid looks in
the moonlight, soft, dewy complexions and a dazzling smile are the laws
governing pubescent attraction. It’s pure biology and if you get lucky you
might find that there’s an emotional match too.
Into your twenties and your wild oats
are pushing you towards seeding. Christmas and
birthday parties, weddings, funerals, school, work places and in any place where
two or more gather, your antenna is raised as you check out the talent. Tall,
small, round, slim, curvaceous, knock- kneed or flat footed we find a little
bit of everything. There’s something for
everyone but, don’t be fooled, there’s not always someone for everyone.
In your thirties, many people
have “settled down” with their chosen one. The initial euphoria of couple dom
is soon worn down by the mortgage, car insurance, gym membership fees, demands
that you place on each other and an ever-growing list of household chores. Once
babies come along your fate is sealed with the endless round of feeding,
changing, educating, disciplining and socializing.
The parenting game lasts well
into your fifties so it’s a treadmill that you’ll rarely get a break from
unless you make a sustained effort or have the uncommon sense to allow your
child to develop into adulthood with a safety net that has a few holes.
Whilst you’re taking care of the
babies, you’ll find that your partner might become active in his role or just a
guilty bystander. He’ll let you take good care of him since caring’s what
you’re good at, right? After all, you got together ‘cos opposites attract and
he’s the very opposite of you!??
Whe life gives you a partner, add
tranquilisers ….‘cos that what it’ll take to keep you calm when he’s on a
tangent of watching sports, keeping abreast of current affairs, customizing his
car, getting to the next level on “Call of Duty” and cruising with the remote
control. Of course, he’s not idle but engaged with all manner of things except
the things that’ll keep your relationship alive.
Equally your pursuits will irk
him somewhat – cleaning the oven (since, in his opinion it doesn’t need it),
de-cluttering (since it’s you who’s responsible for buying most of the stuff), taking
the kids on holiday (he says, they’re on holiday all year long!).
This is when you need to start
checking the fine print and noticing that you might have been short changed:
“for better” – hey I missed out – and “ for worse” I’ve had a sh**load!
|Living my dream|
Still that’s just our rational
mind talking. What about the emotional stuff?
Physical comfort – a warm bod in
the bed, little looks of love, kisses, driving
you places (like Miss Daisy) and just being there so you can shout out:“hey
world, there’s a man in my life!”
Two heads are better than one….too bad his is
filled with baseball scores!
All of the above may satisfy and
so the best thing to do is place a “DO NOT DISTURB” sign on your life to keep the
naysayers away. It’s your life and love. This could be your game, set and match
so don’t let the spoilsports near.
There are good people out there but you may find that they've been snapped up. Others are searching, just like you, for "the one", whilst pushing through their disillusionment and holding on to scraps of optimism.
|Spaced out love|
Men are from planet Slowdown and women from Xuberant. The ideal is to find a partner with gravity who won't float (or fade) away. If you find "making it work" too much hard work then you know what you have to do.
Two might start off as a cosy number but you
may find that one is not so lonely!