Tuesday, 9 July 2013

First Wives Club

The First Wives Club is an elite society. There are things that only a first wife knows and this knowledge makes them superior. It’s a shame that more second wives are not on good terms with their partners’ ex’s.  First wives are party to the gradual unfolding of the male ego with all its idiosyncrasies, conundrums and plain, old bad behaviour.
When we’re young and fall in love…we think (and hope) it’s forever. As we mature, we know that nothing lasts forever and everything is in a process of change. Yes, we’re changing daily….our clothes, the décor, eating habits and the same is happening in our relationships.
“We are all capable of becoming something monstrous” is a famous line in lietrature and that rings true for every woman who’s battling with the male ego. A man’s first wife is in the direct line of fire as she sees him at his best and then his worst. She observes the subtle and glaring deficiencies of his character. If the good stuff in his personality can even things out then the marital storms will be weathered and the lesson is documented by Wife no. 1.
First wives can take comfort from the fact that she gets the best…..that’s the best he has to offer….and in some men “the best” is a poor consolation prize. If you have high standards as a wife, parent, professional and homemaker then you might feel short changed by your other-half.

 If he can’t live up to your standards and you don’t want them to lower them then you’re heading in the direction of this club. If you lower them just to keep his temper even you’re destined for a rocky road trip and life membership of the “Doormat’s Association.”
The male is a being with a propensity to aggression. It’s in his DNA and a first wife knows and sees it. When he grabs you around the throat after you make an innocent comment about why he’s late from work, when he complains that you could be doing more to lose weight, when he asks you why you need to go out twice in one week or if he questions why you haven’t done X, Y or Z then the warning flags should go up. Later on, if you go as far as the courts , he’ll have a bout of amnesia and deny everything, so write it down.
Seemingly harmless remarks can become pure insolence, fatigue can be stress related but laziness is not. These two are a recipe for relationship disaster. At the time, they’re easy to brush off but they set the tone of your relationship. Be a leader not a follower in relationships. The intelligent one in a partnership must have the upper hand otherwise you’re going to end up completely wrecked – emotionally and financially. It’s easy to get locked in a power struggle as you both decide who is “the intelligent one” but a soft heart will not win the day.
To a first wife, the second wife is neither foe or friend…perhaps a frenemy. The first wife has the experience of living with that wronged man. After all the errant ex-husband would have poured a heap of scorn and half-truths over his first wife and marriage. He was the injured party and most injured of all, is his pride.
A first wife is the fountain of all knowledge and pain about her first partner. That knowledge is unique and if there’s been abuse….then it will be repeated. Abuse is not a disagreement, argument or mild displeasure. It is threatening, malicious, callous and reckless behaviour.
When there’s no will to change or compromise that’s usually when you are a soon-to-be-member of the F.W.C.
The second wife marries a first wife’s former partner with all the naivety of a lamb to the slaughter. She doesn’t know what lies ahead or beneath. That doesn’t mean this new relationship won’t be happy…..it can be…..but it will take a lot more out of you than you think. A second wife has to be wily and clever in order to prosper and first she must tame the monster inside the man.

Told you so!
There is nothing so amusing to a first wife when she hears that her ex has tied the knot once more. Of course, she’d like to tie something tight around his neck and hopefully his second wife will give him enough rope to do the job properly!

The first wife can value and savour her freedom when she hears that her ex has just lost his.  She can mull over the fact that little second wifey will be fussing around her man trying to please him when second wife knows nothing ever will. Yes, a first wife can put her feet up and smell the roses – and maybe even feel a little sorry – for the second wife with her second-hand goods!
The enlightened man/woman will have both learnt through their mistakes in a previous relationship. They’ll be eager not to repeat ancient history and so the second time round syndrome turns out to be progressive. However, there’s a greater number of serial bride and grooms who’ll be completely oblivious to the trail of destruction they’ve left behind and fall into wedded bliss as easily as they fall into the sh**!
A first wife is (or should be) shrewder the second time around. She’s been around the block so she knows the modus operandi. Use your heart less and your head more – decisive action is what’s required and your heart’s got no business interfering.
A first wife must use her power wisely and there’s no one wiser than the one who’s come first.



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