Sunday, 26 February 2012

Find an idea.....and marry it!

Make love and pots

I’m not usually one for offering advice on relationships. My efforts in this sphere have not been particularly noteworthy and could be classified as bordering on disastrous. 
However every failure serves as a valuable lesson in the art of living and, from that standpoint, my experiences have been pure gold!

In order to understand why we choose partners as we do we have to go back to childhood. Who were our role models? Were they people to look up to or people who made us vow to ourselves that we would never do as them?

"You remind me of my ogre of an uncle"
Our parents are our first advisers. Their choices become ours and their subtle influences  are echoed in the way we vote, dye or not dye our hair and the way we stir our tea. 

Even in looks and personal characteristics we select partners who either resemble our parents physically or characteristically - dark hair, doe eyes, crooked smile, sultry lisp or ones who have the same geniality, pragmatism, indecisiveness and temper! 

Yes, we are attracted to negative traits as much as anything else. 
In fact, when it comes to the law of attraction, we’ll go for good looks and poor character rather than average looks and healthy character.

Is he your cup of tea?
So how can we escape this internal programming? The best way is to have a purpose or goal in mind. Now that’s easy to say but when you’re a teenager or twenty something your head is swimming with a million useless facts and figures – the vital statistics you may be concentrating on  have nothing to do with your life plan!

Once the craziness (and hormones) pass you’ll start wondering what the bigger picture is. Are you meant to be a desk bound executive or a freelance horticulturalist? Do you stay in this job for the next 10 years, get a mortgage etc.? What are you really looking for?

In our salad days, none of us really know. We go out to a bar one evening with friends and we’re introduced to the person we’ll have to spend a period of time in romantic bliss. We have no idea of our compatabillty until the relationship is under way. 

Mr Nasty
Sometimes we’re trying so hard to look as if we’re in control and  put forth the best impression that we miss the warning signs that Mr Maybe-Right is Mr Perhaps-Wrong. The flare of irritation when we don’t return their calls promptly; the hurtful comment about our dress sense, criticism of our family members and the glint in their eye when they observe another man’s admiration.

Find love doing what you love

No matter how many relationships you have been in or out of you must never lose sight of your personal strengths. Whatever it may be….writing, painting, tinkering with cars, needlecraft, baking, gardening, interior/ graphic design, event or holiday planning, keeping fit or jewelery making….stick with it. 

You need the right tools
Through thick and thin, your interests are a constant. 
They’ll never wake up and tell you that they don’t love you. They’ll never put you down. They’ll never make you feel that you’re worth nothing. They’ll never threaten you or ask you to choose between them. 

Your ideas and interests that become passion projects will be a source of comfort forever. And I mean happily forever after!

Students of life
Once you immerse yourself in your  projects…the unexpected might happen and you’ll meet “the one”. 

He won’t be perfect  and he may remind you of your Dad (in a good way) but at least you’ll have plenty to share since you’ll have common interests…..birds of a feather do flock together…so get your binoculars out and take up ornithology!



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