Wednesday, 21 December 2011

The Great Tax Haven in the Sky

When it comes to finance and budgeting I’ve made mistakes. The most fatal one of all is that I believed that two incomes were better than one! Normally this would be true but the second income earner was not willing to split the household expenditure 50/50.  This is when I found out that love was truly blind.  I trusted someone to take care of the numbers and since he liked to control everything I thought he’d be in his element. Trouble was that he and I were not on the same spreadsheet!

Tax has never been a big feature  since my earnings have not been particularly noteworthy. I’ve never had breakfast at Tiffany’s or tea at the Ritz but they’re both still on my wish list. The tax I pay is deducted at source and what you’ve never had can’t hurt you, right? But something inside me hurts bad and my feelings over finance remain fragile.

Deep down I feel as if there’s been a barrier to financial fulfilment and I’m a woman who enjoys the finer things….some of them cost and some don’t. In middle youth, I’m in a better place emotionally that I’ve ever been. If money and emotions are connected then I need some serious pennies to show up.
The self-help industry believes that you attract particular conditions and people to yourself. I don’t know any financial wizards, I don’t speculate ( to accumulate) and  don’t even play the lottery – so maybe I’m the stumbling block on the path to my own financial success.
Feeling like a million dollars!
I always thought I’d be rich and I secretly hoped I’d be filthy – not through birth or parentage but through my own efforts – I want to be the six million dollar woman!  

However, my interests are not money-making. I write, I read, I parent, I lend an ear and I work (often for hours that don’t pay.) I’ve worked hard but not smart.  Long hours in the corporate world are not for me; drinks with the boss – uh, uh – am too true to my values for superficial social climbing. Its no surprise that I’m where I am in life but I do feel I’ve neglected something – myself.

Unravelling the knots
Since my youth I’ve had a self-sacrificing nature. I was the eldest and my parents came to rely on me as a second mother to three boys who were all younger. I was moulded into this paragon of responsibility and loyalty. I became a person whom you could rely on to do the right thing. I was brought up to be “a good girl” and I’ve never been able to shake that off. I used to be the ultimate people pleaser, the bridge over troubled water, the calm – before and after the storm. In a nutshell, I’ve sold myself short.

Some might say that this is a useful resource but it has not served me well. Friends and family expect me to be a bottomless vessel of selflessness. I get used up and sometimes frustration gets the better of me. Strangely, solo parenting has made me feel more whole. I don’t have to constantly give of myself to an ingrate and I’ve reclaimed my self-worth.
Re-balancing the books

The realisation that I am a precious resource has only just come home to roost. I’m rich on the inside and the tax man can’t get that!
 I’m in a stage of development that makes me believe that wealth lies on the other side of my thoughts. I know I’m travelling towards it but the journey is hard….so hard…that I feel like giving up – but I won’t. I’m re-inventing the path by finding a fresh one that works just for me. 

The problem with advice is that one size doesn’t fit all – we all have to feel a sense of accomplishment before we move into new territory. We’ve been so distrusting of ourselves, worn down with all the negativity, that we can’t believe that there are new paths to prosperity. Remember that we’re all getting rich but some are on the fast track and some of us on the slow to middle. Using the wealth you already have for well being is far more important than just working your butt off to acquire it.

I’ve come a long way in a few short years – to financial and emotional independence. Its empowering to know that I can do it. I want to live it up before I get to that great tax haven in the sky…..because then it won’t matter  what I had in my bank account… my spirit will be free. 

Those of you who’ve been number crunching and stretching that budget for a life time and ,equally  and those of you who haven’t,  can relax and have a pamper session in the celestial tax haven that has no return.



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