Half Lived Life

Half Lived Life…….or reasons to be cheerful – PART 1

As I enter my half century there’s a lot to reflect on.

What has got me through the last 50?
An indomitable spirit no less!

So here’s a potted history of the story of my life:

 

 

 

Years 0-5

 I’m born…..8 weeks after a catastrophic event that rocked the world……the assassination of JFK….if I had any notions of the world being a safe place it was knocked out of me then! Adjusting and adapting to a rollercoaster lifestyle which I’m completely obilivous of. In this stage of my life, I exchange a tropical landscape (akin to paradise) for the colder shores of the Northern Hemisphere so snow is a new experience! I sample the delights of my first school and realise that I love learning!

Years 5-10

Reality bites……and I’m learning things that life is not a bowl of cherries! Parental conflict inhibits their childrens’ growth but this appears to be the destiny prescribed; so layers of fear and sadness build up in young hearts. At this stage, I try out my second and third schools as we return to a political battlefield (aka “Paradise”) and brother no. 3 arrives. Paradise is not so pretty so we return to freezing temperatures and hearts to match!

Years 10-15

I discover a flair for writing and while away the hours (that are not filled up with responsibility and chores) by writing poetry and bits of fiction. Learning is still a great adventure but adventure has its fraught moments! Teenage angst and depression kicks in and so it’s the start of the worst wonder years and I wonder if I’ll ever grow …into a graceful swan!! Books become my refuge and spending time at the library is a highlight!

Years 15-20

The swan makes an appearance but low self esteem prevents me from truly appreciating my worth. I lose myself in my insecurities and familial dysfunction but keep a smile pasted on my face….so I fool everyone but myself. People-pleasing is my default setting so I become mediocre by burying my light under a bushel. Whilst I believe myself to be too weak and inadequate to chase after my dreams, I bump into a pipe dream that is merely an illusion and on the way to becoming a full blown nightmare!

Years 20-25

The world is certainly not my oyster. No oyster could thrive in the murky depths of my mind…. and my soul is crushed under the weight of the world on my shoulders. Just as well, since I choose vegetarianism as a healthy option.  I get hitched and have Baby no. 1 who is adorable and as perfect as he needs to be. Motherhood is life-changing and I take to it like a duck to water (responsible people do!) and there’s plenty to smile about!

Years 25-30

Into each life some rain has to fall but this is torrential! I’m starting to see the wood from the trees and it’s not picturesque. Imperfectly perfect is all I can say about this period. I learn things I’d rather forget but this is the character building stage when I have to take the “slings and arrows” of what fate’s dished out (or so I think!).

Years 30-35

Wow – two more babies in this era and they’re both all I could imagine and want. I’m a blissful mother as I have managed to produce a mini-me (daughter) too and that’s a good feeling. But the clouds are never far away and I start growing some courage….deep within tiny shoots develop….and I water and feed them day by day. I also feed my mind good books and endeavour to keep myself in good company but that’s not proving to be easy!

Years 40-45

A period of confident growth. I’ve analysed my life choices and found that they were based on fear and sadness so what good can come of that? Now I come into my own, I grab at opportunities and take “the road less travelled”. I’m relieved to find that it’s not as arduous as I first thought. My body may be tired but my soul’s rested and I experience freedom and (god forbid!) fun! Challenges are the making (not the breaking) of me and my unbound spirit soars.

Years 45-50

I love life – what a revelation! I can (almost) do as I please and not please anyone. My inner resources are strong as I become solution-orientated. Problems come and….go……and I try to see the lesson before I jump into depressive mode. My heart’s light (body needs work) but hey I’m thriving and surviving. I’m ending this half century (and starting a new one) strong.

At this stage of my life:

I’m grateful (for everything I’ve learnt the hard way)

I’m free to be myself (except when I choose not to be)

I’m solvent (most of the time)

I’m in good shape (when I don’t over-indulge)

I even believe in miracles (in fact, I am a miracle!)

 

Life has taught me that it’s short and I need to pay attention to the details – like me, myself and I - and “attention must be paid”……to my mind and my soul…..purity matters.

 

So here’s to the next 50 years of a glass half full……may my cup runneth over!