Hard hearts and hard times
parents who if their children were hungry would give them a stone to eat. There
are parents who think that providing for their children means looking after
them like animals eg. giving them shelter and food. Such parents see their
offspring as burdens and the whole of their childrens’ lives are blighted due a
distinct lack of love.
Hard hearts are
aplenty in the weird (and less wonderful) world of parenting. Some people are
just incapable of it and perhaps society is starting to understand as
legislation in the UK is making emotional abuse a criminal act. Too little, too
late is my take on the naievete of law makers who believe that emotional pain
was ever absent from physical and sexual abuses to children.
The game plan
for an abuser is to destroy a child’s self esteem and this is done in several
ways. The most basic and cruel way is to not be tactile and affectionate. There
are no hugs, kisses or kindnesses so grains of fear and mistrust are planted in
an innocent heart. The child, whose emotional circuitry is set by the age of
five, then sees himself as unlovable and displays these symptoms in a myriad of
ways. Some become withdrawn , some become boisterous and some are at the start
of their bi-polar journey from which they don’t often recover.
compromises the full development of a child’s intellectual abilities. A child
who receives little or no loving attention will not value themselves enough to
succeed at school. They already suffer from feelings of inadequacy and
despondency so what’s the point of trying to be good at anything? Prisons are
full of felons with low academic ability and there’s a direct correlation between
a lack of parental interest and becoming a societal cause for concern.
Parents need to
take a long hard look at themselves. They need help and certainly every parent
should be compelled to take a parenting courses to understand the proper care
and feeding of babies, toddlers, teenagers. A parent needs to know how to feed
minds and nourish hearts as this is the only way to create well rounded individuals. The body should not
be cosseted at the expense of the mind.
Bringing up a
child requires inspiration and dedication and to pass on such qualities,
parents themselves need to know how. Leaving your child playing for hours on
their play station is not the way to do it. Allowing children to spend hours
holed up in their bedrooms on mobile phones/social media is not the way to do
it. Trying to be your child’s friend and giving in to every childish demand is
not the way to do it. Not showing your child that there are
rewards/consequences for good/poor behaviour is not the way to do it. Being a weak role model is not the way to do
it. Not saying “no” to your child because you fear them is not the way to do
perspiration and if you want to reduce your body odour then keep a check on
your baby-making equipment. Take precautions, be selfish and leave parenting to
those energetic souls who can take the heat and stay in the kitchen. Not
everyone is cut out for parenting just as not everyone is cut out for space
If we don’t
apply strict controls on who sign up for
parenting then we are going to have to deal with the aftermath and that means
an ever increasing prison population. We don’t need to build more prisons if we
build better parents.
If the hand that
rocks the cradle rules the world then the cradle’s contents has seen the fist
and suffered the effects of bruises and black eyes. Young hearts stained with
neglect and pain develop into young adulthood making poor life choices. The
girl who marries to get away from her parents only to find that she’s married a
man in a similar vein. The boy who gets into the grip of substance addiction or
indulges in abuse himself since he doesn’t want to or can’t do any better.
Low ambition and
insecurity dog the footsteps of the unloved. A law to out emotional abusers is
too little and too late for those of us who now purporting to be effective role
models, pillars of the community and politicians. The law must not only dole
out suitable punishments to abusers but supporting the victims is even more
can’t be changed by law but bringing them to book might make them think.
Schools, doctors and the police must lead the crusade for better treatment of
children by paying attention to anti-social behaviour. Many a teacher can also
abuse and the government must root out those who are not fit for purpose.
beget hard times and that’s not good enough for any child. A child’s heart is
marshmallow soft and spirit even more fragile. A child cannot make sense of the
environment its born into and is prone to emotional disturbance. If a child
lives without emotional protection then every fairy story is a lie because
there is no triumph over evil and certainly no happy-ever-after.