Men just don't know how to be fathers and some are too stubborn to learn!
My father was a male presence (he never left us and many times I wish that he had!) but he was rarely emotionally present. I was the only daughter in a family of four and I barely warranted much attention. - never the proverbial Daddy's girl! Daddy was engaged in cussing his "burdens" to spare a thought for nurturing.
|Sorry seems to be the hardest word|
I did marry but, over time, my significant other started to display many of the negative traits common to my father (and other abusers). I refused to live in this state of disaffection, as my mother had, and divorce was inevitable.
Others in a similar situation empathise. My cousin (now a grandmother) once told me that her father only showed her any affection whenever she made him a cup of tea (and that was with a little emotional coercion: "be a good girl and....".
A girl with an absent father (before she becomes womanly wise) fantasises about a male figure who will worship and adore her. This train of thought only serves to set her up for men who see her as a soft target. A boy with an absent father develops an inner rage, often manifested in his own realtionships as cruelty and indifference. Poor parenting (as a giver and receipient) is at the heart of the problem and it takes a strong person to fight against their inner conditioning.
Society has not addressed the issue of helping fathers be present. Parenting is a tough job and many (of both sexes) are just not up to the mark. Daughters and sons need different types of fathering. Each of your children has a unique personality and individual emotional / psychological needs. To be a parent takes a variety of skills -counsellor, mentor and critical friend - but who counsels the counsellor? Who supports the parent when the parent is taking care of business?
An absent father is no bad thing. It's far better to leave a relationship / family out of honesty than remain dishonestly. Children just want love and, for some fathers, love is leaving them with the truth.
|Just like a flower, I'm growing wild|