Abuse is part of a dysfunctional personality….and if you believe that we're all dysfunctional then we have to accept that it's part of our nature.....our lower nature where baser instinctics co-exist with the higher ones. Abuse is rife but no one fully admits to it. Abusers have diminished responsibility since they "know not what they do". If we have not been educated correctly (especially in the area of emotional intelligence) and raised in supportive communities then an abuser is in the making.
Abusers are subtle manipulators and exist in a variety of shapes and forms. Many are in the guise of husbands / wives, teachers / doctors / policemen - in fact any adult that we trust in our homes and in society. That’s why abuse is not easily rooted out…. From sharp words, playful blows, gentle touching to full blown violence….we cannot always see the wood for the trees. These clever exploiters emit so many wrong signals that our soft-wired brains mistake kindness for control and love for lies.
An abuser’s aim is to seek and destroy…..the vulnerable…the sick…the disabled… the young… people who are weakest in society. Women and children are favourite targets. A child’s innocence is easily visible and violated. Women are perceived as the weaker sex driven by their instincts to protect and nurture so they are subjected to a host of humiliations and cruel acts. It is the actions of a few progressive thinking women that are bringing awareness and justice to the abused. Still we are a long way from finding lasting solutions.
No person is born to abuse or be abused. This is learned behaviour and stems from fear. Fear causes the weak minded to lash out and make someone pay for their pain. The truth is that we have all suffered pain – all of us have had something stolen from us – something we believe that is precious and irreplaceable. However, the more enlightened of us find constructive ways to discharge our anguish.
When our minds and hearts grow we know that nothing can truly be taken away. What we have may be damaged and or soiled but rejuvenation and salvation is possible. Acute pain leads to sublime understanding, if we allow it. Much of the time we bury ourselves in deeper despair and consider that we're beyond repair.
Hating abuse or the abuser will not make it stop. Taking a stand against it will. It takes courage to speak out and take action and even greater valour to forgive. Your life moves in cycles and it’s the same in your relationship with this negative force…..when you’re strong enough you’ll recognise it and deal with him or her.