At each stage of life we don’t always know what we want and
that creates problems.
In youthful innocence, we often don’t know who we are or what
we truly want. In childhood we are certain that we don’t like green food on our
plates and throw a mighty fit if our parents try any form of encouragement
that’s not a handsome bribe! This is the stage where we throw the baby (and the
water) out of the bath and discover consequences.
All of life is a
journey of learning how to learn, think, discover and evaluate our options. It’s
the rocky road of learning from our mistakes which often entails putting our
hand into the fire to see whether our skin is inflammable…..its not! We are not
fire proof but we still have to fight the fires of life that threaten and
sometimes consume us daily – financial struggles, emotional upheavals, mental
strains, physical injuries and a host of moral dilemmas.
Our teen years are a time of great challenge. This is the
time when a brain becomes a mind and gives the body a nudge that it houses a soul. Biology tells us we have a
beating heart but it becomes more than just a human organ in our teens and
young adulthood. We acquire the faintest
notion that we can either keep hold of it ( until we’re centered) or give it
away to another ( lost )soul and be reckless. You will lose or give away your
heart a few times during the “wonder” years but you won’t find it in the “lost
property” office. In fact, your heart may be returned to you in a very poor
state – fractured or even completely broken. Such is youthful abandon that we
discharge of our precious cargo to another immature and deceitful heart that
plays with it and may even damage it beyond repair.
This problem worsens when our mind and heart have parted
company or are at odds with each other. We listen to our heart at the expense
of our mind; both are false friends when hormones have a stranglehold on our
In our twenties, when the brain chemistry is firing on
(nearly) all pistons we’re still figuring it out. A young man tinkers with his
first car and decides to pursue motor mechanics as a trade when what he really
wants to be is tearing up the Formula One race track at mind boggling speeds. A
young girl studies dance which leads into bit parts in television and theatre
but what she really wanted was to be was a drama queen and strut her stuff on
Choose wisely in your twenties or you might be stuck in some uninspiring
environment. Marriage could be one of them. A true marriage is one of hearts
and minds not just living spaces! Embarking on a cosy twosome is like a curious
adventure but what you learn in this hunting ground will either make or break
you. Be wary and be warned!
Oprah shares an instructive tale of her twenties when she was
a humble TV news anchor wondering if that was all that life had to offer. When she consulted a fortune teller, it was
predicted that what she truly wanted was to achieve stardom and light up the
world……and that’s exactly what Oprah did next!
Playing it safe and hiding our light “under a bushel” is
making out to the world that our ambitions and higher thoughts are of no value.
We find ourselves in the grip of low self esteem and never dare to climb out of
that pit until we’re older and less agile.
In our thirties there’s a pressure to “settle down” which
invariably means getting onto the mortgage gravy train and remaining on it for
at least the next twenty five years. By that time, we have a few mouths to feed
and have completely lost a work/life balance; in fact, we live to work and
become wage slaves to public and private companies. Our hopes remain alive and
staying alive to run the rat race is our greatest wish but our dreams slip
away. The dream of owning a farm, villa, allotment is overtaken by the fear of
not having enough so we hitch our wagon to capitalism and ride the storms.
Again we do what’s important, what’s required of us but we
make ourselves unimportant in the process. Have you ever known a CEO of blue
chip company to be concerned about his own or employee’s health? There’s no
health & safety policy that states that a human is not designed to be
inactive and sitting down in front of a radioactive screen for up to 8 hours.
Knowing and doing what’s important are life long challenges on the human
Once we hit our 40’s, those who’ve put themselves last and made
ridiculous sacrifices to NOT progress themselves by taking defensive and
indecisive positons suffer greatly. The pain is mostly psychological and the
fight/flight mode you’ve used as your default setting requires analysis. In middle
age there’s realisation that we are too valuable to be exploited by family and
bosses.We can practise saying “yes” to our dreams and “no” to the obstacles such
as partners and friends. We disengage from the herd and find our own voice and
Finding our sense of importance is not be confused with
vanity. Being conceited is an ugly trait though you might think you look good
in your Christian Louboutin’s. Being well read is more important than being
well dressed though society may judge the book by the cover. The more discerning
will certainly seek out the author and make relevant judgements.
We want to be important to others but it shouldn’t come at an
astronomical cost to yourself. Don’t give yourself away lightly; make sure he
or she’s worth it……….and they may not be!
Life is an important journey and it is eternal too. So
develop, believe, nurture, love and educate yourself……its important to
be important and much more.