Monday, 25 November 2013

Make me.......don't break me!

When it rains (and thunders) on your parade, you start to get the feeling that life, the universe, God, fate have singled you out for an abnormally large dose of trials.  In fact, there are more than a few days, when I start to believe that life is nothing but a trial and I’m doing a sentence even though no verdict has been passed.

Innocent until proven guilty just doesn’t cut it in our spiritual life. We are guilty but we have no recollection of the crime and so we’re doing time. The picture perfect lifestyle that’s sold to us on TV and in magazines is apparently not yours or mine……..nothing is constant least of all…peace.  Our homes and jobs are organised but inside of us we’re a mess.

We love others but we don’t love ourselves. Mostly because we don’t know what love is though we have plenty of experience of what love is not. Love is not damaging yourself with harmful thoughts like: “why can’t he love me when I’m so lovable?”. Love is not hoping against hope that he’ll change. Love is not crying into your glass of wine every night. Love is not having a tantrum and taking pleasure in another’s strife.

But most people, the unwoken, will live their lives with that belief system and draw the hapless bystander into this web of falsehood. We get caught and trapped in the rigidities and oddities of this sinister cult. Trouble is, the followers of this cult are none other than our family and friends, each with their own private mantra…….I will obey…..the TV, the minister, colleague, friend and the foe (who has a remarkable resemblance to a friend!).

Life is challenging, no doubt about it. But we have added free will into the pot of destiny and mixed it with vigour until it seems as if the gods wear a permanent frown when our name comes up. In to each life the sun has to shine but why does to have to be a heatwave? Is it our undeveloped minds that reacts so negatively?

An easy life and fortunate life is not what I seek. I am seeking the meaning in misfortune. I’m led to believe that adversity is a teacher or even a potter that fashions a lump of clay into an elegant vase. Yes, I’m learning and I want to but could tribulation not teach me something too?

I don’t want to swing on my hammock when there’s a field to be ploughed. I don’t want to be comfortable when others struggle. I don’t want to exist in the world of one – me. I want to improve and better myself. I want to be made into something worthwhile. I want to believe that peace and harmony exists though it may be in short supply at the moment.

I have developed resilience but when do I rest? An indomitable spirit never gets tired but flesh and bones do. We’re tired of the seeing and doing. We want to rest our senses as much as our heads. An onslaught of to do’s and eking out an existence takes its toll.

We forget that we are greater than our challenges. We have a reserve of untapped potential and sometimes it’s never tapped if we end up broken by life and our fellow man. Mind strengthening exercises come in the form of saying “no” when weak reflexes want to say “yes”. Leaving our cares behind is a good thing so that we can run barefoot in tall grasses.

I’m tired of the trials yet I want to be refined. I want to be an urn of knowledge and  not an empty vessel. It takes effort, it takes sweat, it takes back breaking persistence to just keep on keeping on.

Bright spark
I know I can…and I will and I must. I want to be a newer and improved version of myself. I have more to give so I need to stretch and be wrung dry in the mangle of life. I want to be polished into something of substance and share my sparkles of wit and wisdom.

Failures can turn into pillars of success and I’ve tasted more of the latter than the former. We all want a break, a chink of light through the dark clouds. If I break into little pieces, then I have found through strength of character, then I can put the puzzle together in the right order. When I make mistakes, I must learn to think in a new way. Every problem has a solution and, in finding it, I want it to be the making of me.







Monday, 11 November 2013


Today is Remembrance day and we mark this day by not forgetting that real heroes are often dead. What is truly unforgettable is the sacrifice that was made so that we live in a freer world. A world in which our spirits can rise and motivate others .

Of course, these freedoms are not enjoyed everywhere but we can take our pocketfuls of inspiration and scatter them so that hope can rise from the dust and rubble.

Remembrance is a double edged sword as it is bitter sweet. We want to remember but we also long to forget. Forget the pain of longing and the pangs of envy we experience when we want to reach for our loved one and when we find ourselves alone and gazing at couples holding hands, strolling nonchalantly through the autumn leaves.
Would we not give away nearly all of our worldy possessions to fill our empty hearts?

There’s a yearning in us for something more. Something that has been lost or something never found. We’ve not found our heart’s calling in physical form. We’re people of many talents, writing, painting, dancing, singing, sculpting and building our dream home but we can’t find a dream to keep in our homes. Sometimes when we thought we’d found the dream… turned into a quiet nightmare.

There something we want but can’t quite articulate. Love…..yes….we’d like some….but where should we look? And if there’s risk attached to love and we get the short straw then we have to start all over again.

We believe love to be elusive that we chase it like dogs chasing after their own tails.
It is there….it has never changed addresses….but we can’t always live happily ever after with it.

Remembrance is complicated.

We remember the good stuff and paper over the cracks of the bad. Or we forget the good and remember all the bad. In remembering the way we were we develop amnesia and can’t fathom how we ended up with next to nothing to show for it. We discharge our memory banks to some kind of mental distillery and a whole heap of distortions and half-truths are the result.

If only our memories could be wiped then we really could make a fresh start but we’re held back. Remembrance gives and takes. It provides gratitude for what has been an amazing lesson in love, albeit, through hard times and it takes away pride when egos become severely dented by a timely wake-up call.

Remembrance is many things to many people.
Our greatest sadness stems from our greatest blessings as love and laughter may be found in the most hellish place.

The most important thing to remember is yourself.

You are an incredible gift, a work in progress, a lump of clay and the mark you make is never forgotten.


Saturday, 2 November 2013

It's in his DNA!

Finally, in the 21st century, we can stop ruminating and surmising about  the good, bad and plain ugly qualities that make a satisfactory partner for the liberated new age woman.

In days of yore, there was talk that a man had to have the right sort of credentials to become the arm candy of the day – a tweed jacket, handlebar moustache, a touch of chivalry and a stiff, upper lip! The “it” in that time used to be “in his kiss” but through scientific advances we now know that we were being fooled. A functioning brain was superfluous as the increase in divorces indicate.

Nowadays, we’re so much more clued up about what a woman wants in a man – healthy DNA!! Yes, it’s genes (not jeans or manners) that maketh a healthy man. It’s not just his look that matters but how he’s hard-wired.  Can he serenade you, dance and put on a show? If he can hold his own in those three disciplines then it’s in his DNA.

We can’t always trust ourselves to accept that DNA is the reason for his weaknesses but perhaps the boy/man just can’t help it! He’s kind and gentle, he’s arrogant and pig-ignorant. He treats you like a princess then orders you to the scullery when he’s had a bad day. A man of a million mood swings and roundabouts….when’s good…he’s very, very, good but when he’s bad……he flips!!

You can’t just lay the blame on poor parenting since his poor mother doesn’t even understand him. It’s a quirk of nature that can make him a heart throb or a plain, old slob.

So how does free will affect DNA? It does and it doesn’t. Free will is a bad idea for anyone indecisive or with low self-esteem. Free will  is not so different to “Free Willy” – it’s a humongous responsibility to use our senses and grey matter to do the right thing. Often DNA will interfere in this process.

When we want to speak our mind, we recall the time when expressing an opinion was a dangerous thing. Our fight and flight tendencies are built into our DNA but courage is sadly not. DNA does not make us more or less braver than the next person. The unscientific evidence is that both human and inaction has left an impression on individual DNA. Darwin’s theory of evolution suggests that humans will adapt to their situation and react only if there’s a threat to survival.
Dog's best friend & DNA buddies!

My conclusion is that his DNA is a threat to your development. Giving in to his DNA is the slippery relationship slope that you’ll suffer many an injury on. The worst case scenario is to mingle your DNA and his but from that you will get some respite once the little darlings go off to university.  
Good cop/bad cop….it’s in his DNA. His credentials don’t mean a thing.
 Just stay clear and Don’t Navigate A**holes!!


Friday, 1 November 2013

Looking after Number One

Looking after Number One sounds  like a selfish motto and most of us don’t know how. We throw away opportunities, follow the advice of the less enlightened and stay in comfort zones that are decidedly uncomfortable.

Sometimes we feel it’s impossible to look after Number One when there are so many “priorities” all vying for pole position. Should I empty the dishwasher before I fill the washing machine? Do I need to call my cousin who I haven’t spoken to in months even though it leaves me feeling depressed? Will I go to hell because I didn’t give up my seat to an old woman on the bus as I was so engrossed in my Kindle?

These are the ethical dilemma that are tumbling around in our heads whilst we’re trying to keep body and soul together. We can’t look after Number One if we’ve got no self esteem as people with no self-esteem usually think of themselves as Number 43.

The only person we can blame for our poor ranking is… We’ve relegated Number One to a dismal existence in the lower stratums of human relations. Parents, siblings, friends, colleagues, neighbours, random acquaintances, homeless people and, most likely, the ticket inspector at the train station are higher in our estimations than ourselves. And why? Because we want to be considered nice people and nice people are not always Number One. In fact, nice people finish last as they’ve taken their eye of the off their own development and are busy helping others climb up the ladder and all over them.

Number Two has his uses!
It’s important to look after Number One to become a well rounded and fulfilled person. This means following your passion and ignoring the naysayers around you. Looking after Number One is not an easy or pretty option. It’s a journey of sacrifice and a labour of love. Take the case of Katie Piper, an acid attack victim, who supports people with similar conditions. Before the attack, she had a seemingly charmed life as a part-time model and was living the dream until a fateful meeting via Facebook on the man who would try and destroy her beauty. After months of hospital treatment and with the loving support of her family the beauty of her soul shone through to win the day. Before the attack, Katie was looking after Number One but in a superficial way and now she looks after Number One in the deepest and purest ways.

If you don’t look after Number One, then Number Two (or 52 will). Yes, those pushy people who claim to know you better than you know yourself. Those who will take over your life and then play the injured party when you want to reclaim it.  Whilst you’ve been busy focusing on being charitable and accomodating, Number Two has gained power and found the weakness in your kindness. Number Two thinks he is cleverer than you and that whatever you can do, he can do better……including taking out the garbage, weeding the garden, playing scrabble, choosing a  vaccum cleaner, dancing the tango, buying the right car and proving you wrong every time. The Number Two in your life will only become Mr Right if he can accept his place…as your side kick (and a good kick never goes amiss!). 

Taking care of Number One doesn’t have to be hard work. It might mean switching off the phone, agreeing to disagree, walking away into the sunset, lounging in a bath of bubbles or star gazing on a moonlit night. Replenishing your soul is looking after Number One so whatever your soul is drawn to…then just do it…..and never let Number Two muscle in on your time, money or space. Be discerning in your choice of Number Two’s and know that to nurture Number One is to live a life of no regrets.