Tuesday, 29 January 2013

Marriage.....a test of masculinity

“Marriage can be the most meaningful relationship you ever have” so said Ronald Reagan in a letter he wrote on the eve of his son’s wedding in 1971. And he’s right. Despite all the cynicism that surrounds this delicate institution there’s a ring of truth in these words.


Most people enter into marriage with a purpose. Firstly, they love each other and, because of that love, they’ll want to tend and care for each other. In a few sad cases, it’s vice versa – they enter into matrimony to be looked after and hope that a little love will develop thereafter. These people are the deluded and misinformed minority who learn the truth much later in their lives….post divorce or on their deathbeds!


Mr Reagan was advising his son that the search for a mate to share the highs and lows is worth it and since Mr Reagan was on his second marriage he should know. The former President alluded to the bitter truth that men were in a weaker position in marriage. Men are ugly, hairy mutations who require care and attention to thrive. This is particularly true of their egos which can get really ugly as they mature.
Mr Reagan says: “it does take quite a man to remain attractive and to be loved by a woman who has heard him snore, seen him unshaven, tended him when he was sick and washed his dirty underwear.” He's not wrong about that! 
The deceased President also states that "some men feel their masculinity can only be proven if they play out in their own life all the locker-room stories, smugly confident that what a wife doesn't know won't hurt her". Truth is that if it doesn't hurt a wife it will surely damage their relationship....but if that's what a man wants...then let him go!

The job of caring for the family usually falls on a wife’s shoulders. Men may do the heavy, physical work but they rarely have the stamina or intelligence for the emotional work load. A woman’s work is never done has never been truer in the 21st century as women find themselves increasingly parenting alone (even when they are a twosome!).

 A man’s work, by the same standard, has now been halved as they find themselves cold shouldered when their ego extinguishes the warm glow that their wives first felt for them during courtship and the early days of wedlock. A resourceful woman has no need for a body draped across her sofa in the twilight years.

Holding onto the warm glow for wives and husbands is the real challenge of marriage. That glow is not as a result of being shaven, wearing the most up to date fashion, fixing the house up, investing for the future, buying a good car, climbing the career ladder, cleaning, cooking or gardening (though some or all of those things will earn you a good many brownie points). The warmth in a relationship is that of heart-felt daily kindnesses, consideration and gratitude.

Kindness incorporates tender words and loving gestures, such as the simple act of preparing a cup of tea, just the way she likes it. This doesn’t mean you both can’t express disapproval and disappointment for life’s little dramas but it must be done with the mind-set that you are willing to re-build any fences that get damaged. If it’s broke, then fix it!

Consideration happens when you talk through a difficulty and try to find a solution that fits both parties. It also means saying nothing and walking away in the event of dispute. Throwing angry words (and hard objects) around damages your spirit and the spirit of the person you’re attempting to convince or reach out to.

Gratitude for the simple things is the golden rule – be thankful for every meal that is made by loving hands, be mindful of the immense generosity of the sacrifice of time and emotional energy that a woman makes for her family. Gratitude is an anti-dote to selfishness so ensure that large doses of it are administered daily to your significant other.


Sweet arrival
There is no greater happiness for a man, according to Reagan, (and I agree wholeheartedly) “than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps”. This is the true joy of sharing your life with someone…the fact that they look forward to you coming home.
Any bereaved spouse knows that as a distant memory and one that they will never experience on the earthly plain ever again.


The one thing I believe Mr Reagan omits is that the true fulfilment in marriage is when it happens to be with your soul mate. In a soulful marriage, much is unspoken and much is hidden from the naked eye. A soulmate knows, intuitively, what is pleasing and displeasing to the other. If you want to know what heaven on earth is like then this is it!


Mr Reagan was obviously a man of humility. He knew what an unhappy home was. Too many couples have no idea. He also knew he was a less than adorable creature that someone had found some attraction in. Another factor he was acutely aware of was that infidelity was a turn off. Mr Reagan also believed that:  You'll never get in trouble if you say "I love you" at least once a day” and hopefully you say it because you mean it.

It takes a real man to love a woman. If you want your masculinity tested then marriage and relationships will make or break your manhood.
Real men understand that the love of good woman is more valuable than their car!

Mr Reagan may not have been the greatest President but he certainly had an ounce of wisdom and uncommon sense to pass on and I’ll certainly remember him in a better light for that.















































Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Rabbit, Rabbit

According to the Chinese horoscope, I’m a rabbit. After researching the qualities and characteristics I find that I’m a bunny to a T!

I’m sensitive, caring, empathetic and love a good chin wag. I’m not a natural born leader but I’m not a blind follower either.  I thrive in organisations that have flat structures not pyramids that are ruled by the head. I am a creature of the heart and hate confrontations of any kind. I believe anger must be managed (not suppressed)  and should be expressed in a respectful way.

Rabbits attract and generate love. I have a furry bundle that lives in my home called Hunny, who is sweet by name and nature. A rabbit is not an attention seeker but it’s attention is sought after by others….one of them being…..the Rooster…who is its  mortal enemy. I know a couple of roosters and they’re not my cup of tea.

It’s fortunate that I’m compatible with my offspring – a snake, pig and ox so life’s pretty good.

Rabbits are not boring…no way….they are creative and artistic. They are rich in knowledge more than possessions.

Peaceful and tranquil , the rabbit is an ideal companion for a beach holiday or more cultured one. Sitting around for a rabbit is creative activity; their minds are working even if their bodies are still. Rabbits require thinking time and space to re-energise.

A rabbit’s home is his cathedral. It is a sanctuary for communion with its higher self. It must contain  serenity and beauty. The people a rabbit shares her home with should understand her unique sensitivities and negativity of any kind is not permitted…..emotional abusers keep out!

A rabbit has emotional intelligence but is fragile with it. If you hurt a rabbit then you have hurt an innocent being. Rabbits don’t indulge in cheap vanity and shallow behaviour; they are steadfast and true to their values.

When a rabbit meets an enemy, it retreats and never fights back. This is not cowardice but an act of non-violent protest. They don’t hate as that is negative and only adds to the hate that’s already out there beyond the hutch. They choose avoidance tactics. They understand a profound truth: no man is an enemy; no man is a friend but every man is a teacher.

A rabbit’s best friend in love or business is a sheep, pig or another rabbit. They have no conflicts as they know that to argue is to waste  precious minutes and lose out on the joy of living.

When a rabbit is in the company of their soul mate; every day is special. In fact, the ordinary transforms into the extra-ordinary……watching a sunset, listening to the rain and nibbling on some grass. It's a little piece of rabbit heaven!

I’m a happy bunny when I’m left to my own devices and there’s no such thing as lonely for me. But if I get too much of my own company I’ll need to hook up with another rabbit, sheep or pig.... and then I’ll be in clover.

Happy Bunny-day to me!


Sunday, 20 January 2013

Your money or your wife?

Money and spouses are easily taken for granted. We always expect to have some money and perhaps more than one partner (if we don’t get it right the first time) in our lifetimes.

We don’t like to admit it but we often value money over our loved ones. A good many relationship breakdowns are caused by either having too much or too little money. In the case of the former, once you have achieved a proper state of wealth, (when your speculations have nicely accumulated) and when all the necessary luxuries are affordable and easily disposed of and replaced, then that’s a great feeling of security. In contrast, too little can make you feel like a lesser mortal and you’re constantly striving to keep the wolf, bailiffs and tax man from the door!

In times of hardship or affluence, the emotional casualties are our loved ones. In the case of high net worth individuals, they are usually time poor and tend to focus all their personal resources on growing their business, their career and most importantly, their ever lucrative investments. A rich man may not get through the eye of a needle but his Amex card will surely open the doors of the Ritz! Hard up folks are often depressed and dejected with their lot and it’s never easy living with someone who’s poor in spirit and out of pocket!

Wealth can be ugly and beautiful and it depends entirely on the holder of the spondoolicks. When intelligence is added into the mix (especially the emotional kind) that’s when you’ll separate the men from the boys. A real man (wealthy or otherwise) knows that a good woman (or man) in his life is worth more than a ton of money lying in the bank. But wealth brings blindness with it and it's easy to forget about the colour, energy and drive that a supportive partner provides.  Unless you truly value the things that money cannot buy, the first disposable item in a rich man’s life is his wife. 

Take the recent case of ueber-wealthy  UK businessman, Scot Young, who had built up a fortune with his Midas touch. He appeared happily married with two daughters but the marriage broke down and what did he do? Hide his wealth so that his ex couldn’t touch it. Since his wife was a rich woman too (as a woman married to a wealthy man usually is) she hired private investigators and forensic accountants to search for his hidden wealth. The investigators were unable to unearth any clues and a judge this week jailed Mr Young for six months for contempt of court as a result of non-disclosure of his assets.The most telling cirumstance that Mr Young is indeed guilty is that he has a shiny, new toy in his life....a much younger girlfriend!

Of course, Mrs Young is right to fight for half of her ex's wealth as she no doubt had a hand in helping him reach the heady heights of affluence; but I fear it will all come to naught. Mr Young will continue to defy court orders and will happily remain in prison for the short term. His money is far more important than his wife!

This sorry tale tells us that Mr and Mrs Young loved their money more than each other….and I sympathise…once the love has gone…. perhaps it is the money that’s more attractive!
Priceless bundle 
When you have love, money doesn’t matter a damn. Only someone who truly loves understands that and a good few million on planet earth haven’t a clue about the depth of such love.

When you’re loved one is taken from you in tragic circumstances, your heart aches for a lifetime. Once you’ve experienced unconditional love, you’ll know it’s a gift from heaven and, all the money in the world, pales beside it. Spiritual love has nothing to do with money but has a lot to do with things that touch your heart. An unexpected caress or kind word from your partner when you’re feeling low can make the sun shine in winter. Your love is my love and your pain is mine too should be written into wedding vows.

Alot of men who may be stranded on desert island would choose to be stranded with their money than their wife. They falsely believe that money can rescue them, in some way, even though another ship may not come by for years. I’ve always said that when rich (and mean) men die, they need two coffins – one for their body and the other for their possessions. It’s not often a man will choose his wife over his money

Drowning in it
From this analysis, you may note that it’s better to be neither rich or poor….and then perhaps you’ll feel comfortable (and less threatened) with your money and your wife.


Friday, 11 January 2013

Toughest place to be a feminist

Unless you’ve been on planet Zorg or self-absorbed in your own life dramas you might not know that thousands of women are protesting on the streets of New Delhi. This has been the strength of feelings of revulsion and outrage at the violation of one of the members of their Indian sisterhood.

A twenty three year old physiotherapy student was gang raped on a bus and her ravaged body dumped onto the street afterwards. I don’t wish to go into the gory and gruesome details which have been graphically documented in almost every global daily...but the unpalatable truth is that she died from her injuries.

Rape is a crime as old as the hills but this particularly bitter attack speaks volumes about India, patriarchy and feminism. Asian countries often adopt a superior cultural stance when it comes to the matter of women. Women, in these societies, are supposedly protected by male elders in their families and in wider society. Women are covered up, from head to toe, and are placed firmly in the kitchen…..that’s the safest place for them! 
Cooking, cleaning and making babies are the lot of many an Asian woman. 

Women follow rules that men have made; that’s the truth. Women are second class citizens in a country that is deemed to be “progressive” and a nuclear power. India has a powerful economy and an illustrious spiritual history but it has not elevated women on its journey to prosperity.

Indian orphanages are bursting at the seams with girls; abandoned by parents who see them as a problem. The caste system is so powerful that no government intervention has been able to dismantle it. God knows Gandhi tried when he fraternized with the “untouchables” and endeavoured to bring them into mainstream society. Gandhi failed and no one has yet succeeded to bring about meaningful reform.

Despite what you may hear from Indians who have travelled the world, embraced other cultures and settled in the Western hemisphere, India is poor. Of course, there’s grinding poverty and the slums live on but the poverty of India is not merely economic.

 India is poor in spirit; it is poor in morality and it is poor in its education of men. People bang on about education and its importance to development but there’s one vital ingredient missing: freedom. Once the balance of rights is corrected between male and female then we may see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.

In India women are low on the food chain; above a stray dog but below a sacred Hindu cow! A woman’s education rarely benefits her as she will first have to see to her wider family. Her needs come last and her self-esteem almost never blossoms as it is crushed under the weight of familial duty. An Indian woman’s life is rarely her own and, in the case of the recent rape victim, her life was as worthless as an old rag doll.

Think on
Some Indian women may believe that they are liberated but to be a feminist in India is dangerous. In an Asian man’s eyes, a woman is a lesser mortal; a burden, a responsibility and a object of pleasure when it suits. To look at the world through an Indian man’s eyes, all women are tainted though he reveres his mother, whom he puts on a pedestal, since she is no longer just a woman…. but a goddess; (and she achieved that status by simply giving birth to the chosen one: him!).

Indian society is messed up. Indira Gandhi knew it when she said that the education of women was crucial to the upliftment of its society. She was wrong. It is the education of men that needs a serious overhaul and we don’t need any more doctors, scientists, engineers or lawyers who’ve learnt their letters parrot fashion……what we need is men of substance and sensitivity.

A sensitive man does not rape. An intelligent man does not seek dominion over a physically weaker counterpart. A devout man respects any woman he meets. This is not how it is in many parts of the developed and less developed world. Bestiality prevails as long as men are free to give rein to their unchecked and unwholesome biological urges. I don't support the death penalty to keep rapists off the streets but I do support castration. If you abuse with it, then be prepared to lose it!

India's unloved daughter
Feminisn and freedom are ideal bedfellows and India (and its sub-continent) needs to allow them co-habitation rights. 

Of course, men will need to understand what those two qualities entail…..letting a woman choose they way she dresses, allowing a woman to choose her profession and husband in her own time…..giving her the room to choose her destiny….especially if that means being alone and childless…..providing opportunities for her to aspire to high office….and, most of all, giving her human rights and freedom.

In 2013, India is still one of the toughest places to be a feminist.....let the revolution begin!