Sunday, 26 December 2010

Alone at Christmas - Joy to the world!

Joy of joys - that day of days is over.....Christmas......I for one am glad! I can sit alone on Boxing Day and enjoy
the peace and quiet. Call me a humbug but Christmas is a time to be alone. It's time to take stock - to look back and forwards - what a year and how well you've done to survive it - the overconsumption and the hype!

 Christmas is for they say....well let dysfunction and chaos reign. Isn't family life far from harmonious any other day so why do we make such a pretence for Christmas? The reason is that most of us have not grown up and stopped believing in other people's fairy tales - Bros. Grimm and Hans Christian!! Some of us are stuck permanently in our very own fairy story....with a wicked employer...and eating the poisoned eating unhealthily since our emotions are so toxic.

Christmas is not about bells, holly, miseltoe or Mr Claus. Christmas is a time of peace. All I want for Christmas is a piece of peace in my heart.

Thursday, 16 December 2010


Looking to recruit:
Egotistic, small minded and always willing to get involved (in someone else’s affairs). Rigid and sanctimonious with lashings of multi-tasking abilities. We work on the ethos that the less you focus on any task, do it piecemeal and not paying too much attention the more you achieve. Team working is a fallacy (if the government can’t do it then why should we?). Be confrontational and difficult and you will progress.  The key element of this job is to be so rude and obtrusive that anyone would be too afraid to put anything in your in-tray. Never trust anyone – if an employee phones in sick we assume they are lying and the employee must phone their line manager on a daily basis.
 This is a company that doesn’t believe in sickness since you have to be sick to work here in the first place! If you’d like six months off to travel the world then you’re in the right place but if you’d like 6 months off to care for a disabled relative you’ve got no chance. If you are employed in a critical area of the company we will give you the option of flexible working (especially if you’ve nearly paid off your mortgage) but if you are not then we expect you to fill your time with designated work or anything you please. If you are a key member of our staff we encourage you to have interruptions – you may need to speak on your mobile, read text messages or even go off for a fag. Company policy allows for these as well as announcing to your colleagues (several times a day) how busy you are. It is also important to share with stressed colleagues that you can do their job in half the time it takes them.
Anyone with a superiority complex will fit right in. You are superior to your line manager. They know nothing about your job anyway . In our organisation you are an autonomous cog. You do what we want and you can do what you like.
Your’re hired!

Meticulous and conscientious in meeting deadlines. Ability to be pleasant under pressure. Kind and compassionate to others less fortunate.  Will arrive early and stay late during busy times. Creative thinker who displays initiative and is able to work independently. Individuals with flair and vision who can help the company save money. Inspirational leader.
Your’re fired!

Tuesday, 7 December 2010

Multi-tasking Meltdown

Multi Tasking is a white elephant - unwanted and unnecessary. It's a corporate ploy to get us to do more whilst paying us less than our worth. Your employer is just trying to squeeze every drop of your life energy until you are a shrivelled like prune and then you're forced into retirement or have a nervous breakdown.
I know that from personal experience!

I've been told that multi-tasking at work is like doing the laundry whilst vacuuming. Now if I'd have wanted a job like that I'd have stayed at home in my domestic bubble!?? Then they tell you have to keep your plates spinning....well.....let's wait until they all come crashing down! Multi-tasking is just another way of keeping the busy corporate bods even busier....and interfering with the real workers - the ones who suffer in silence and give up their evenings / weekends to climb the ladder of "success".

If success is a state of mind then we can get off the ladder, stall in the rat race, revert to mono tasking and a life in the slow lane. This is when we are focused, calm and at our best - less is more!