Sunday, 8 May 2011

Anyone for seconds?

It appears so. Being as optimistic and as gulliable as we are we believe in the glory of marriage second, third and even fourth time around. In our search for the perfect match we become serial brides and bridegrooms.
Why is it that we believe in the relationship that is the cause of so much man-made misery?


Does a second marriage succeed where the first could not?
Does a new partner offer something intrinsically unique?
No, not in the least!

A second marriage is not a cure for a failed first. Male/female relations within an intimate relationship remain the same - negative factors such as power struggles and ego issues are no less fought over in a new marriage.

 There are people who marry for the second time only to find it's a terrible mistake and that they were  better suited to Partner no. 1. Oscar Wilde famously said that : "a man marries for the second time because he's in love with his first wife." This has a ring of truth since it is Wife No. 1 who's had the benefit of learning about all your weakness which has endeared her to you in retrospect.

Second marriages are a risk (as was the first); perhaps a greater risk. It is chasing the rainbow only to find that at the end of it the pot of gold is tarnished. A second marriage is already loaded with emotional baggage and  dysfunctional from the start.

Since humankind is greedy we do seek more and more helpings of matrimony. There is no restraint in our pursuit of the perfect relationship. Dating websites are awash with lonely hearts wanting to be less alone.
"Do this all over again? Are you quackers?"
Those of us already entwined in holy wedlock long for more alone time.

Two is double trouble. We are not adept problem solvers so we can't afford to play with fire.
As for me....seconds? No way and no thanks!

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